What happens when we stop pushing (Silly Season series 1 of 3)

Lately I've been noticing how often the instinct to push through shows up - in work, in life, and even with horses.

Early one morning last week, I drove out to the farm to ride Annie, a beautiful chestnut Quarter Horse x Clydesdale. She was hesitant and jittery, jumping sideways at the flutter of a leaf, again and again, as I led her toward the stables to saddle up.

My first instinct was to be firm. To get the saddle on and get her working. To push through the mood she was in until she became calm and connected... But pushing creates tension and extra effort, and in the way I was acting, it created disconnection between Annie and me. Which, as anyone who's worked with horses knows, can also be unsafe.

It's a familiar pattern. When I'm hesitant or jittery, I often try to push myself through, too.

But would I do that to a friend? No way.

To a friend, I'd say: "I can see you're feeling hesitant, jittery."

Then maybe: "What do you need?"

That's not pushing. That's connecting.

Blending instead of forcing

In aikido, there's a principle called aiki - harmonizing with energy rather than opposing it. When someone pushes, you don't push back. You blend with their movement, redirect it, and find a resolution that works for both of you.

Resistance creates more resistance. Connection creates possibility.

That day with Annie, instead of trying to push through her anxiety, I noticed the urge and chose something different.

I turned my inner dialogue toward: "How can I give Annie a positive experience with me today?"

Everything softened from there. I relaxed. Annie relaxed. And we had a good ride - not because I forced it, but because I asked what was needed. I blended with where she was, rather than demanding she meet me where I wanted her to be.

Your practice opportunity

Notice a moment when you feel the urge to push: yourself, a colleague, or a situation. Pause.

What would happen if, instead of pushing through, you blended with what's actually present? What if you took a moment to understand the needs - of yourself or others - that might not be so apparent at first glance?

Sometimes the fastest way forward is to stop pushing and start connecting.

Annie and Sam looking relaxed after a good ride